Weepy, Edgy, and Snappy

Those three words best describe me right now although the weepy is getting a smidge better. The boys are my happy drug right now and holding them makes it a lot better and if I can't be there I call and check on them. Ok so the weepy is back but I think it has more to do with the fact that I am dead tired this morning. I woke up early and got ready and headed over to the hospital so I could see the boys before Mike went to work. He stayed home with the girls and I don't think either one of us liked the fact that I went by myself. He likes going as much as I do, I think. But the running back and forth is wearing him out-me too but I can at least rest but he can't because he has to go to work. He had intended on taking about two weeks off after I had the boys but found out they would first take his vacation time and then the girls would be without a vacation this summer so he decided to go on back in and his boss happens to be one of the nicer ones and said he would work with him on being off and such. He is planning on being off when the boys come home. My fabulous emotional state has caused me to kinda hide from people. I went back and forth on whether or not to go to church yesterday but realized Saturday that if I didn't want to make any enemies I best stay home. I love talking about the boys but "how's the boys and did you leave them at home" only reminds me they are not with me and I just didn't want to hear that. (If you are someone that I see a lot, close friend or family, and have asked me this-I am not talking about you. ) Mike and the girls were going but when it was time to wake them up, I let them sleep. They were worn out and I just let them sleep. Then we dropped them off with Barbara and we went to the hospital to find that both boys were off the lights. That means their billi levels were low. They were both wearing clothes. Seeing them in clothes makes me very happy. When I got to the hospital today, both boys were still off the lights, wearing clothes, Easton had decided he likes a bottle now, and both had gained weight. The nurse practioner was there and she said they were going to up their formula intake, give them a bottle every other feeding, and if their billi levels are still down tomorrow then they will move to the crib in the next day or so. They will get to be in the crib together and this makes me very happy and their feeding tubes will be removed once they go to the crib-that will make Mike and I very happy. I hate seeing that thing in them and they keep pulling at it. Just to have something to grab. I took them some clothes today-they may swallow them whole but at least it is their very own something. Lucas was probably wearing a preemie outfit today (from the hospital) and it was a little snug. Easton's was most likely a New Born size because it was huge. I had planned on going shopping tomorrow for preemie onesies but I think I may hold off. We still don't have a really good time frame on when they will come home. For some reason I think it will be late next week if that early. They would have been 35 weeks Friday or Sunday one and the nurse practioner told us the other day that they usually go home at 37 or 38 wks. I want them home but I don't want them home until they are ready. I also want to explain the picture that most of you probably have seen-the one with me holding both babies. I more than likely could have done that before or have held them longer but it was the first time I had had them both in my arms. When the nurses give them to us, they disappear (thankfully no hovering) until our time is up so it is hard to find one of them to help swap them over. I am sure Mike and I could do it ourselves but there are still wires that could get pulled or crossed so we don't try it. But I will say even for the brief moment-that was the best part of the day, even if it was a terrible picture of me, Mike looked drunk as he does in most pictures, and the boys were cut off. Hopefully, this week I can feed them a bottle. Once they move to a crib and if I time it just right I will be able to.