God doesn't give you anything you can't handle...

...this has been something I have tried to tell myself everytime-well a lot lately. But I think I need to tweak it a bit. "God doesn't give you anything you can't handle-if you give it to Him. " Let me explain my thinking on this: Sure you can handle it or I should say, you can try to handle it and it might go your way for a little while but your way and His way are completely different. The peace I get when I give it to Him is so much better than when I try to handle it my way or don't pray about whatever is going on. With that said, I am really trying right now to hold on to that-seriously have a death grip on it right now. I went to see the boys this morning after Sunday school to find out that Lucas will not be coming home Wednesday as we had planned. He had not had any dSat drops since two days after he was born but this morning about 7 he had a series of clusters and had to have O2. So the general rule is you don't leave for 5 days after your last cluster. So as I am sitting there bawling my eyes out, my sweet little nurse is trying to explain this. I really like this nurse. She told me the dr would make the final call but she felt like he wouldn't go home Wednesday so I asked when he would be there and thankfully he had just gotten there and I was able to talk to him (without interuptions from a 3 yo). He looked at his chart and decided to run a bunch of blood work and a respitory panel to see if he had caught something. He is eating fine and not showing any signs other than sneezing that I pointed out. If he is sick, then he will be on antibiotics-if not then they will consider reflux but they will not do a reflux test on either one of them until 37 weeks which they will be next Sunday. I asked if it was another 5 day delay and he said they will go home together and it would probably be a week. Yeah right. I am so not holding on to that. I am pretty much done with this emotional roller coaster. Hopefully I will hear something soon about one of the blood tests they did. The rest I won't know until sometime tomorrow. So it is another week of visits to the NICU which I have really come to hate. I told Lucas that today. I even asked him if he did all this to stay with his brother-we have all seen the twin video circling around thru emails-twin's have their own language. I just wish he would not have done something this severe if he did it. I know I have been complaining a lot and been on the doom and gloom side but I do want to say that I know (we know) that we are very blessed that this is all that is going on with them. It could be far worse. Mike reminded me of that when I got home today (after I stopped throwing and slamming everything down). I hope this week goes by quickly because daily trips to the hospital are draining in a lot of ways.